Chronic Depression

Moonies,

As you should know, I spoke out last year that I had seasonal depression, mostly the summer depression that usually shows up more often than the other seasonal ones. I have been having it for four years now. Sadly, I have bad news in regards of my issue.

Just yesterday, I had my annual meet-up with my psychologist and my results came out worse than I had expected. Maybe all the drama that has happened in the last year, especially the breakup last summer, worsens my depression, according to what my P said about it. I really don’t want to believe her results, but now there’s no turning back of the medical issues I though I may never have.

The results that the P gave me at the end of the meet up came out too quickly to her. So to speak, my depression loosens more. You must be wondering what I’m saying to begin with, right? I mean I jumped from seasonal depression to chronic depression within the year. Since my last meet-up with my psychologist last April, I was still trying to overcome with my spring/summer depression that I was having. My psychologist said that since I was in a relationship for the first time, it may be possible I was in the track of depression to lower, but I broke up with my ex on late June. So may that event, she said or the latest events that are going on in my life like graduation and more work time is stressing me out to the point that I’m not interacting much with the people I care about. Well, it’s not like I’m forcing for people to see me on my commencement ceremony on May 16, but it just saddens me that not many people are not going to see me that day. Well, I’m used to that anyways since people don’t really care about me in general.

Although Chronic Depression doesn’t really have many symptoms, it’s still deadly if not treated properly. That is why my psychologist wants me to send a monthly summary of events going on in my life; that includes a day summary of my graduation. I reallly don’t want to get my diploma now. -.-

So I’m not asking for no one’s pity on me. If you really care about me, show it. If now, don’t be around me then.

So… Any comments? Keep them short, clear, and to the point. This is Diana saying that life could be cruel to you to the deepest emotions.

Top Secret I Have To Tell Y'all

Hey Moonies!

There is one thing that I have to say that I have noticed about me and it has happened before since Freshmen in high school. I really didn’t want to let y’all know about it, but sometimes I have can’t stand telling other people going through the same phase as me. Remember that I told y’all that my parents separated a while back? Well, after my parent’s separation, I have health problems from lack of eating to ending in fainting, which happened in school. I told y’all that story before.

But that stop from a while because my mom was back in the house, taking care of me. Once she moved out of the house again because my dad wasn’t comfortable seeing her there no more, my health issue got worse, though my parents nor my siblings didn’t notice about it because I hid it well.

It was the summer… I started to get mood swings that were so intense that my sister thought that it was just me having my period. I started to eat less, because I always felt stressed and my stomach was queasy. I kept sleeping a lot and was tired all the time. My head was becoming a migraine, which is what kept making me feel sleepy to begin with. My dad and mom just thought that I was still growing and becoming a woman, but I knew it was something wrong. I didn’t go to the doctor because I just didn’t want to make my dad worry about me. I wanted to take care of myself, but I ended up carry away with my health. One of my friends noticed what was happening to me and searched it up… Only that person knows what was going on with me. She was the only one that kept me up once we started school again. She was pretty cautions about my health in general because she saw me faint in that hallway 4 years ago.

She told me that I had seasonal depression, but only during the summer because one main part of it was because I kept losing weight due to the lack of not eating properly. During the first month of my sophomore year, she started making sure that I ate. I gain weight that quickly during the first month, even better was that I was surrounded with friends because it kept me off from my situation with my family.

Ever since that summer, I still get it each annual season, but is rare to see me having it because I only had mood swings and the lack of not eating properly again. But I noticed that last summer I got a little worse because I started working to at the 99 Cents Only Store. I started to get more stress and worse, I just graduated from high school. That day in graduation, my mom didn’t get the chance to see me graduate on the stage. I cried the evening that day because I just didn’t like that my parents kept fighting and not wanting to see each other in person. I understand what she did, but still, she’s my mom and she missed one important part of my life.

So this summer, I feel that I got worse because I barely been eating lately and my mood swings are acting up again. Worse is that next month is the World Cup. I get super hype up about it, especially since Brazil is hosting the games. They will win this year. But one thing I do have to say is that if my behavior starts to become more negative… I’m going to worry what would happen to me. I was worried that I may commit suicide.

One thing is that in a few days, my boyfriend is going to turn 19. I got his gift ready and all taped up. He would so be having a hard time to open it, especially what he’s going to see what’s inside the packages. But I want to see him happy of what he’s going to get. I know he’ll love it. Though he hasn’t experienced my summer depression, I did experience his fall/winter depression; it really wasn’t bad, but what he may see on me with this depression, I’m going to worry about what he’s going to say about it. I haven’t told him about this yet. I just don’t have the guts to tell him that I may get worse by the days. It may be possible that my emotions would take over and I would not know about it. He just only knows about what happened to me of feeling down in school and fainting due to stress, but I really didn’t tell him everything about the real issue. I’m nervous he would read this, but I think if he does read this, to understand that I love him the way he is and if he loves me, he would love me the way I am, including this depression that could be really deadly to me.

Any comments? Keep them short, clear, and to the point. This is Diana talking about what has happened in my life.